This whole story would be incredibly hilarious if it didn't involve somebody dying. Damn it, some people always have to go and spoil the fun for everybody else.
Note: I'm not worried about going to Hell for writing this, because I'm already heading there for that stuff I wrote about the pope a few days back. As I always say, "Damned if you do, so why bother doing anything else?" Further note: I've never actually said that.
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