Having a bad day? Did it rain and you forgot your umbrella? You get pulled over for speeding? Forget your homework? Find out you've got a lethal disease that'll kill you in the next 24 hours in an unbelievably painful way?
For the last one: I'm sorry. But for the rest, I've got something that can cheer you up: misheard lyrics! Nothing short of the deadening embrace of whiskey and heroin picks me up like misheard song lyrics. Take this one from the J. Geils Band:
Right: "My angel is a centerfold"
Misheard: "My anus is the center hole"
Note: The J. Geils Band are not licensed medical doctors and should not be trusted on matters of anatomy & physiology.
Or from the popular prog-arena-art-whatever-rock band Kansas:
Right: "Dust in the wind/All we are is dust in the wind"
Misheard: "Ducks in the wind/All we are is ducks in the wind"
It was a shameless bid to get soundtrack rights for the popular video game "Duck Hunt"
And finally, I leave you with this epic mishearing of the Eagles classic "Hotel California":
ON a dark desert highway, cool whip in my hair
I saw a paraplegic, rising up from his chair
Up ahead in the quicksand, I saw a shivering light
I hit too heavy in my sack of gin
I had to stop for the night
I'd pay good money, or possibly even bad money, to hear the Eagles perform that one in concert.
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