Sunday, July 20, 2008

No One Honors My Name Pt. 2

A group of British psychologists with a lot of free time recently released a groundbreaking study on how our names influence our lives. Short summary: if you're named after British royalty, or if you're a celebrity baby with a goofy name, you'll live a happy and fruitful life. If not, well, tough noogies. (or, as my spellcheck recommends, "tough boogies")

Nicholas Cage, for instance, named his kid Kal-El. Scoff if you will (and I know you will, because I sure did), but the study says the kid "has a short, hard-sounding name which is also the original moniker of Superman, making it sexy and attractive." Please, God, don't let stupid people hear about this study or they'll all start naming their kids after superheroes. Kindergarten roll call will sound like a meeting of the Justice League.

How about my name? I do, after all, share my moniker with a few former kings of Britain. Most of them, however, are notable for little more than the way they snuffed it.

William I: Killed by a fall from his horse; broke in half while being crammed into his coffin
William II Rufus: Arrow'd in a suspicious hunting accident
William III: Broke his neck after his horse stumbled on a molehill

Quite a noble name I've got there.

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