San Francisco is soliciting ideas for a "suicide barrier" to keep the suicidally-inclined from leaping off the Golden Gate Bridge. The Bridge, if you didn't know, was recently ranked the #1 Suicide Spot in the nation by "Suicide Today." Anyway, the leading candidate is a steel net beneath the railings that would catch jumpers. But that just seems so pedestrian, so dull, so...un-San Franciscan. I've come up with a few more creative solutions:
-Giant trampoline beneath the bridge
-Trained pigeons that will swoop down on jumpers and gently deposit them on the shore
-Raise the fee for suicide from $50 to $100
-Put a sign on the bridge that says "Attention: All people attempting suicide must jump from here" and then arrest anyone who shows up
-An enormous fan that will blow jumpers to safety when they fall past it
And my personal favorite: Station snipers on top of the Golden Gate, where they will then pick off anyone who appears to be contemplating suicide. It's foolproof!
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