Hi, my name is Muzagoth the Merciless, Emperor of the Forbidden Zone and Lord of the Inky Black Cosmos. You might remember me from my various attempts at galactic domination. Or perhaps you recall me from my popular book, "Dominate The Universe of Fatness! Muzagoth's Guide to Losing Weight and Keeping It Off"
Sure, I may make galactic domination look easy--but there's a lot of work that goes on behind the scenes. Sometimes, what with the bills to pay, the kids to take to school, and the genetically engineered super-soldiers to breed, sometimes I just don't have the time to rule the galaxy as iron-fistedly as I like.
Which is why I use this Evil Guide Plan. It puts the "rush" in "ruthlessly crushing your opposition." Plug in your vital statistics, the fundamentals of your diabolical plan, and presto! You've got a scheme that not even Captain Geoffrey Buckblast could foil. Now that's quality!
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