Mad Libs

OK, your assignment is to try to fit three nouns into the following headline:

"Woman Riding _____ Fights off ______ with __________"

Your degree of difficulty is to make it more wonderfully absurd than the actual headline, "Woman Riding Donkey Fights off Lion with Machete."

I'm also afraid to report that now that lions are capable of using machetes, the human race is pretty much doomed.