BEIJING--Tragedy struck yesterday as Chinese officials announced that all four members of the Argentinian women's football team had turned up dead in their hotel room.
"Although we don't want to be too hasty in closing this case, we believe we have found the culprit," Olympic spokesman Gao Gao announced after concluding a 15-minute investigation. "And once again, the culprit is gut cancer."
Gut cancer had previously claimed the lives of the men's basketball team of Spain. Chinese authorities warned athletes that gut cancer can strike without warning, although it tends to be most prevalent among teams with a fondness for photographed hijinks.
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