And it's finally here! The winners of the 2008 Bulwer-Lytton contest have been announced. For those of you not "in the know" (as we smart people like to say), the B-L is an annual competition to produce the worst opening sentence humanly possible. This year's winner is the incomparably named Garrison Spik. Let's take a look:
Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped "Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J."
Aieeee! Here's another:
"Die, commie pigs!" grunted Sergeant "Rocky" Steele through his cigar stub as he machine-gunned the North Korean farm animals.
Urgh! And another:
Joanne watched her fellow passengers - a wizened man reading about alchemy; an oversized bearded man-child; a haunted, bespectacled young man with a scar; and a gaggle of private school children who chatted ceaselessly about Latin and flying around the hockey pitch and the two-faced teacher who they thought was a witch - there was a story here, she decided.
I can't take it anymore! Well, maybe once more:
"Toads of glory, slugs of joy," sang Groin the dwarf as he trotted jovially down the path before a great dragon ate him because the author knew that this story was a train wreck after he typed the first few words.
And there's so much more!
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