*Kack*-ing Rose

So Neil Diamond is offering a refund to concert goers who were disappointed by his laryngitis impaired performance? This gives me an idea...what if I follow Neil everywhere, go to every concert, and after every one--I complain that he disappointed me and demand a refund? I would send him a letter that would go something like this:

Dear Mr. Neil Diamond,

My name is Will Schultz and I'm a senior at Harvard. (side note--I figure Harvard will carry a little more weight with him). I attended your concert of last night and was severely disappointed by your gross breach of the entertainer-entertainee contract. I specifically anticipated the following things, not one of which you actually did:

1) Perform the Led Zeppelin classic "Stairway to Heaven"
2) Climax the show by shooting fireworks from your guitar and/or mouth
3) Perform several somersaults across the stage
4) Sing an a cappella version of the theme from "Shaft"
5) Pull a rabbit from your hat and/or guitar and/or mouth
6) Not suck

Thus, I regretfully regret to inform you that I regretfully demand a full refund, both for the price of the ticket and for the $300 worth of concessions I purchased (side note--I like soft pretzels. A lot). Regretfully. Please wire the money to me at my earliest convenience. That happens to be right now, by the way.

Sincerely,
Bill Clinton II (side note--I figure this name might carry a little more weight)

Ha ha ha! So I'll get free money and free trips to Neil Diamond concerts! Wait a minute--did I just get happy about the possibility of going to a Neil Diamond concert?