TODAY'S SCHEDULE FOR BRITISH CONSERVATIVE PARTY CONVENTION
9 AM: Breakfast--Crumpets with Jam
10 AM: Tribute to Margaret Thatcher
11 AM: Tribute to Every Other Tory Leader Since Margaret Thatcher
11:05 AM: Break for Tea
12:30 PM: Lecture--Will the Bowler Hat Ever Make a Comeback?
1:45 PM: Lecture--Why do Kids These Wear Their Pants so Bloody Low?
2 PM: Break for Tea
3:45 PM: Lecture--Is the Future Overrated?
4:30 PM: Remembering the British Casualty of the Falklands War
5 PM: Break for Tea
5:30 PM: Break for Tea During Tea Break
7:00 PM: Visit Local Lap Dancing Club
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