Tired of the SAME-OLD, SAME-OLD vacations? Sick of visits to SCENIC PARKS, BIG CITIES, and SANDY BEACHES? Yearning for something NEW and EXCITING?
The wait is over! It's time for you to take a trip to semi-scenic HANFORD REACH! HANFORD REACH is proud of it's status as America's #1 MOST POLLUTED NUCLEAR REACTOR SITE.
If you book your vacation today, we'll provide you with EVERYTHING you need to enjoy HANFORD REACH. We'll outfit you with KAYAKS, BUG SPRAY, and INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH LEAD SMOCKS.
As you wind your way down the beautiful COLUMBIA RIVER, be sure to drink in the sights and sounds of HANFORD REACH. LOOK AROUND and see if you can spot the rare and beautiful EIGHT-LEGGED DEER. LISTEN HARD and you can hear the sweet song of the TWO-THROATED WARBLER.
Don't forget THE KIDS! HANFORD REACH offers all sorts of attractions for people of the younger sort. We've recently opened a new attraction for kids, THE HANFORD REACH EXPERIENCE. For a small fee, kids will receive a TOUR of HANFORD REACH'S HISTORIC NUCLEAR PROCESSING FACILITY. And guess what, kids--FREE SAMPLES!
So what are you waiting for? Pick up the phone and arrange your visit to HANFORD REACH today--before Superfund SHUTS US DOWN!
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