Bound for Glory: Emil Burkle

Emil Burkle, one of America’s fifteen entrants in the javelin throw, has led quite the life. He was born in 1980 in one of New York City’s most crime-ridden neighborhoods; Emil was born in a chop shop after thieves carjacked the ambulance that was driving his mother to the hospital.

Burkle’s father owned a small mom-and-pop javelin throwing business. Young Emil had to go to work at the tender age of six just to make ends meet. He would wake up at six and spend up to twelve hours a day throwing javelins. For his work he was paid only a pittance; later, his wages were slashed to a quarter-pittance. He lost his job entirely when his father outsourced the company to Bangalore.

Emil was a poor student, a result of both the long hours he spent at work and his natural stupidity. He flunked out of elementary school, middle school, high school, remedial school, military school, and the school of hard knocks. His final report consisted of four “Fs,” one “Did Not Complete,” and one “Removed from the Premises under Police Escort.”

In his spare time, Emil played pick-up javelin at the famed javelin courts of Rucker Park. It was there that he developed his signature hot-dogging style, with such crowd pleasing moves as “the twirl,” “the zipper,” and the notorious “shish kebab.”

Because of his unorthodox style, Emil never received much attention from traditional javelin powerhouses like Georgia, UCLA, or Northwest Callahocky State. He was forced to attend Division II Eastern West Virginia on a paltry $3-a-year scholarship. In order to make ends meet, he took a part-time job as a statue on the campus quad.

Emil excelled at college javelining. He completed 99% of his throws, the lone exception being an unfortunate and gruesome incident that led to a still-pending lawsuit against him, the university, and the javelin manufacturer. His longest throw was a whopping 523 yards, which set the world record for longest javelin throw by a poor person.

In his senior year, Emil led the EWVU team to a stunning upset in the Javelin Bowl. He won the game on a remarkable 42 yard scramble that ended with a soaring leap into the end zone. Although he was later disqualified, as it is technically against the rules to run while carrying the javelin, Emil had secured his place in history. Although EWVU lacked the money to build a memorial, they did offer Emil a full-time position as a statue.

But his future beckoned. Soon after graduating, Emil was selected to compete in the 2000 Olympic Games in Sydney. He was a heavy underdog to the favorite, Serbian javelining legend Zelmo Tulbek. Tulbek held every meaningful record, including longest throw, which is the only meaningful record in javelining.

Emil, however, would not be denied the gold. In a sudden-death matchup against Tulbek, he threw what many have considered the greatest javelin toss in the sport’s history. Much of the crowd was moved to tears at the sight. Yet, inexplicably, the judges gave the gold to Tulbek. They also awarded him the silver and bronze, robbing Emil of any medals. Emil, who had been counting on pawning the gold medal to feed his family, was distraught.

It later turned out that corruption had played a part in Tulbek’s victory. The Russian judge had been bribed with an offer of three spare gold medals, while the Chinese judge had been bribed with an offer of Australian citizenship. When Emil demanded that Tulbek forfeit his medal, the Serbian defended himself by saying “Winners, keepers, losers, weepers.” This rule has since been removed from the Olympic guidelines.

Things only went downhill from there. In a freak accident that no one could have ever, ever predicted, Emil injured himself in a javelin accident. He was rushed to the hospital, where doctors were forced to remove his spleen, gallbladder, thyroid, colon, jejunum, ileum, and left lung. Several of these organs were later returned to his body by the surgeon, who confessed to having gotten “carried away” in the heat of the moment.

Emil languished in the hospital. No friends came to visit, because he had no friends. His only card came from Tulbek, who wished him a "speedy expiration." It seemed his career was over. Then one day he spotted a nightingale singing just aside his window. It became his inspiration. He watched it every day, and slowly, surely, his health began to return.

After three months he could sit up. After four months, he could stand. After five months, he could sit down again. And after six months had passed, he could hold a javelin. He celebrated by hurling it through the window with pinpoint accuracy. It passed through the nightingale, killing it instantly. Emil Burkle was back.

And here he is in Beijing, ready to win the gold medal denied to him eight years ago in Sydney. Watch out, world. Emil Burkle’s coming for you. And he's hungry for blood. Your blood. And I'm not speaking metaphorically.