A ST. PATRICK'S DAY FEAST!
Irish Soda Bread
1. Get a loaf of Wonder Bread
2. Now, get a six pack of Coke
3. Pour the Coke into a medium-sized large bowl and let it sit overnight; if you're running short on time because your guests are about to arrive, you can cut this to five minutes
4. Drop the Wonder Bread into the Coke and let it sit for...hold on...
5. Ewww, I didn't think that was going to happen
6. Geez, that's disgusting; it looks like slumber party barf
7. Go out to the local Food Lion and go to the bread section to look for Irish soda bread
8. If you should fail to find that, go get some beer and Lucky Charms; it worked last year and it'll work again this year
Irish Scones
1. Try to figure out what exactly a scone is
2. Go to the dictionary and flip to the "s" section
3. Let's see...skate, skill...wait, how do you spell "scone" again?
4. Accidentally misread the entry for "sconce" as "scone"
5. Wonder why the hell anyone would ever want to eat "a bracket for candles or other lights, placed on a wall, mirror, picture frame, etc," no matter how many blueberries are in it
6. Curse Grandma Fitz O'Sullivan for belonging to such a maddeningly confusing ethnic group
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