"Hey folks, this is Earl Lee Bragg from Earl Lee Brag's Furniture Emporiganza! Yowza, yowza, yowza--have we got a deal for you! Folks, I know you got a problem. We all got the same problem. It ain't nothin' to be ashamed of. Lemme explain it to you nice and simple.
"Sometimes we buy ourselves a brand spankin' new piece of furniture--all pretty an' new an' shiny--and we say to ourselves, Well, shoot! I got this fine new furniture. But you know what'd make this furniture even better? If it had small animal livin' inside it! Yessirree, that's our problem. Not nearly enough small animals livin' in our furniture.
"No need to worry, folks, cause at Earl Lee Bragg's Furniture Extravaporium we've got that problem all ironed out. Every piece of furniture--every couch, every ottoman, every gosh-durn love seat--is gar-on-teed to have at least one small animal livin' in it. What kind of animal? Now, you don't expect ol' Earl Lee Bragg to go and spoil that surprise, do ya? Might be a marmot, might be a ferret, might even be a woodchuck! Only one way to find out!
"Don't believe ol' Earl Lee Bragg? Well, hell, just check out this story about one of our satisfied customers, and I swear to you on my momma's grave you'll be jumping in the car and motoring on down to Earl Lee Bragg's Furniture Explositorium to shell out some greenbacks on one of our patented Animal Inhabited Sofas!"
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