Damn spiders. Why they gotta build their webs right across the jogging trails? Every time I run, I tear down spider webs the way a wrecking ball demolishes houses. Makes me feel a little guilty, in fact. God knows how many innocent spiders now have to live on the streets, homeless, after investing so much time and effort spinning their web.
But let's bring the subject back to me, shall we? I'm tired of finishing my morning run wearing a mask made from spider webs. To solve this problem, I plan to create a "spider plow," a large and heavy stick that can be worn on the head. The plow will smash through webs before they hit your face. Genius, right?
I plan to start manufacturing spider plows next week. For a mere $50, you can get in on the ground floor of this invention. Think about it...it'd be like investing in Apple right before the iPod. Or investing in McDonald's right before the Happy Meal.
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