I'll Ruin You Like a Japanese Banquet

And in international news: the Prime Minister of Australia barfs. He first attributed it to eating a "dadgy dadgwood dog," but later switched his story and said the culprit was a "party pie." No, I don't know whether those are foodstuffs or euphemisms for something much, much worse. Knowing Australia, there's no reason to think otherwise.

Best moment of the story: when the PM explained himself by saying "We've all had to drive the porcelain bus at some stage," the BBC saw the need to explain that this phrase "describes someone clutching a toilet bowl with both hands while vomiting." Thanks, BBC!