Washington is full of people trying to hand you stuff you don't want. No, not drugs or pornography. Much worse than that. They want to give you pamphlets about how the capitalist conspiracy is strangling the working man, or about how CFCs threaten our children, or about how Jesus Christ has returned as a Nepalese yogi.
No doubt these are pressing issues. That, I can't deny. But I really don't have time for them. And sometimes trash cans are hard to find, which means I have to walk to work carrying a brochure about the harmful effects of Arctic whaling on Peruvian immigrant orphans.
Thus, I have perfected "the grip." The grip is a posture guaranteed to keep people from shoving socialist agitprop into your hand. It's quite simple. Left hand in pocket; right hand clenches the strap of your man-purse. Sometimes your interlocutor is very persistent; in this case, you must avoid eye contact. If this tactic fails, your only hope to run away screaming like a Spanish soccer player who has been lightly tapped on the shoulder.
Jeez, the things you have to do to survive in the city!
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