The Congressional Baseball Game

In the pecking order of sporting events, the annual congressional baseball game is significantly below the Super Bowl, somewhat beneath the MLB All-Star game, and a notch below a Valdosta State-IUPUI basketball game. But those events weren't available, and the CBG was. So I went.

I had heard rumors that tickets to the game had sold out. Impressive, when you consider the game is played in Nationals Park, which--according to Wikipedia--has room for 41,888 rabid Nats fans (if such things exist). Alas, the rumors were true only in the most literal sense. AVAILABLE tickets were sold out. In real-world terms, that meant there were just enough rowdy congressional interns to fill a thousand seats.

The fundamental question: are congressmen any good at sports? Scratch that--are they good at any physical activity more strenuous that shaking hands and slapping backs? Many of my fellow interns were dubious. So was I. In my mind, the average congressman was a portly white guy with an unfortunate combover and a belly that expanded like the federal deficit. Zing! How's that for political humor?

Wrong. Dead wrong. These congressman came to play. Specifically, they came to play baseball, which was good considering it was a baseball game. Yes, some of them had grown a bit old and gray, but they could still hit and field better than I ever could. OK, that's not a particularly high bar to jump. A blind quadriplegic could hit and field better than I ever could.

Special recognition must go to Joe Baca (D-CA), pitcher on the Democratic side. I scoffed as I watched him warm up. Unlike some of his younger, more athletic teammates, Baca really did have gray hair and a beer belly. But so what? C.C. Sabathia has the equivalent of two or three beer bellies, and look at him. Baca was neither Sabathiaesque nor Sabathiaetic, but he got the job done, pitching a complete game and limiting the supposedly potent GOP bats to five runs.

Don't give him too much credit for the complete game, though. It was forced upon him. Neither team had a relief pitcher.

In games like this, you come less for the on-field performance and more for the crowd. They did not disappoint. When I first arrived I mistakenly took a seat in the Democratic section. Only after a few minutes did I realize that everyone around me was 1) wearing blue and 2) cheering wildly whenever Baca struck somebody out. I hastily gathered by program and scuttled a few sections over to the red state crowd. Each congressman had their own clique. Some, like Georgia's Jack Kingston, even had matching t-shirts. A couple guys waved anti-Pelosi signs. Great fun was had.

One congressman had an anti-clique; a booing section, if you will. A bunch of young and earnest-looking people showed up with the sole purpose of booing Joe Barton, the congressman of "BP shakedown fame." Their shirts said "Barton" and had numbers that looked like they were written in oozing black oil. They carried signs that said "K Big Oil." To their disappointment, Barton never showed. Smart guy.

But their presence got me thinking. Why show up to a game simply to boo someone? Don't you have more constructive things to do with your time? Then I remembered, no, wait, this is DC, and they are probably interns. This is the most constructive thing they'll do all week, maybe all summer.

The game? Oh, yeah, it happened, and it was interesting and stuff. The GOP struck first, going up 1-0, but the Dems hit back and took a 4-1 lead going into the bottom of the sixth. They only played seventh innings--even vigorous, athletic congressman can't go forever.

The GOP rallied in the sixth and evened the score at 4-4. The red crowd was going absolutely bonkers, screaming, yelling, blowing vuvuzelas. Yes, one guy did bring a vuvuzela. Expect them soon at a sporting arena near you.

But the joy died quickly. In the top of the seventh, the GOP pitcher suddenly realized that he was not, in fact, a baseball player, but was rather a congressman trying to hurl a ball at sixty-plus miles per hour. And all of sudden the game turned into an office-league softball match. The Dems hit doubles, triples, and singles. The GOP fielders, tired after six innings, flubbed catches and throws like a collective team of Marv Throneberries.

The final score was 13-5, Dem advantage. As the Democrats cheered, the Republican side chanted "No-vem-ber! No-vem-ber!" But that night, Nancy Pelosi came out ahead.