Newspaper Daze

First, before you read my piddling review of the Newseum, check out Andrew Ferguson's blistering take on the same subject.

Done? OK, now let me tell what I thought. First impression: big. The lobby features a Jumbotron-size screen flashing headline after headline, things like "War!" "Invasion!" and "Panda lectures at National Zoo." Apparently, the Newseum curators suffer from Air and Space Envy, the compulsive desire to hang flying machines in your lobby. How else to explain the Bell helicopter dangling from the ceiling?

The Newseum has six floors, each with its own theme. Or "theme," because the fourth floor's juxtaposition of Elvis Presley and 9/11 is hard to explain, unless you consider fat Elvis a catastrophe on par with the World Trade Center attacks. Second floor is...actually, we skipped the second floor. We were in a hurry. The Newseum closes at five, peculiar, considering how the media prides itself on its hyperactive work schedule. Remember, freedom always needs defending!

Third floor is "World News," necessary, because otherwise the museum would have to bill itself as the American Newseum--an unforgivably jingoistic name. This also gives the museum space to commemorate those journalists who have given their lives in the line of duty. No, none of them were killed by an overly aggressive Sean Penn.

Other encounters on the climb upward: the Edward R. Murrow shrine. According to one panel, Murrow's broadcast Harvest of Shame is considered "one of the best documentaries of all time," a Kanye-esque bit of exaggeration. Speaking of Kanye...his "Jesus Walks" blasts from the speakers at an exhibit on the First Amendment, followed by "Fight the Power" and "Rockin' in the Free World." Unfortunately, I was unable to find the "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" banner supposedly housed in this exhibit. Such a shame...

The default mode for most exhibits is self-congratulatory, but the one on 9/11--a two-story high panel collecting the front pages of major newspapers the day after--is affecting. And it gives a bracing reminder of one advantage newsprint has over digital media: no homepage can compete with the screaming urgency of a full-color broadside.

Across the way from 9/11 we found Elvis. Why Elvis? He wasn't a newsman. He never wrote a story, edited a paper, or blogged from his den. No, says the Newseum, but he was a newsmaker, so he deserves a spot. Their logic seems shaky. Every major event and personality of the past three hundred years has made at least some news. Doesn't that theoretically make anything that ever happened anywhere fit for the museum? Ah, what the hell. Elvis gets eyeballs. That's all that matters.

My friend and I managed to make the very last showing of "I-Witness," the museum's "4D" mediaganza. Still not sure what separates it from 3D. After all, we still had to wear those goofy glasses that somehow reduce my already non-existent coolness.

The movie itself was, as Andrew Ferguson notes, brutally interactive. The seats rock back and forth to simulate both a Revolutionary War-era boat crossing and a World War II bombing run. Seems strange that a gentle boat ride and a dogfight feel exactly the same, but never mind. There are some cheap 3D tricks: when a redcoat captain sticks his sword at the minutemen, we get it right in the eye. And when a patriot printer trips and spills his printing blocks, several come flying out of the screen, spelling out "FREEDOM." Michael Moore is more subtle than this!

After the thirteen-minute film we had exactly two minutes to browse the bookshop. We browsed at a frantic pace, grabbing, tweaking, and twisting every keychain we could lay hands on. At one point in our frenzied shopping spree, I saw a Korean family looking through a large, glossy book. Closer inspection revealed they were reading the "South Korea" entry in The Onion's Our Dumb World Atlas. I pray to God they knew it was satirical.

Final verdict on the Newseum? A little overstuffed, and a lot pompous, but I have no moral ground to criticize either failing. It certainly is the coolest museum I have seen, with multimedia flat screens out the gazoo. Visit it, but only if you have time to invest--at $20 apiece, tickets don't come cheap.