Best Picture Reax

What kind of Oscar obsessive am I? I haven't written word one about the Academy Awards, and it's been more than a week since the nominations they were announced. I might have to return my membership card in Academy Awards Anonymous!

It's late, and I've still got some homework, so for now I'll be brief. This year's Best Picture nominations illustrate the two competing schools of thought on what makes a picture...best.

On one hand, you have the "artistes." They value pedigree above all else. Quality takes a back seat to style. To the "artiste," a good movie is defined by several qualities:

1. A biopic, or a historically-based movie
2. A movie based on a book; not necessarily a classic, just a good middlebrow read

Actually, that's pretty much the ONLY qualities they look for. These kind of movies don't have to be good for the artiste to like them. They simply have to have the APPEARANCE of being good. In an ideal world, they would be good, and that's enough for the artiste.

On the other hand, you have the vulgarians. If artistes like pedigree, the vulgarian judges everything based on how much popcorn it moves. Let the people decide, the vulgarian shouts between gulps from his 128 ounce cup of Diet Cherry Vanilla Sierra Misty Mountain Caffeine-Charged Pepsi Cola Cola Pepsi Coke.

The vulgarian won't embrace every blockbuster. He has his standards, and they do not include Adam Sandler or Rob Schneider. But as long as a popcorn movie makes a few concessions to art--I'm looking at you, "The Dark Knight," the vulgarian will pucker his big ol' blubbery lips and kiss its...uh...face. Its face.

This year, the artistes win. If you're counting, this is their 82nd straight victory, give or take a few. The vulgarians are always at the gates, waving their signs and shouting "THE DARK KNIGHT WAS THE BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR! JUST CHECK IMDB!"

"The Dark Knight" was left out, though, as was "Wall-E," that other vulgarian favorite. If there was one movie that embodied the triumph of the artistes, it was "Revolutionary Road." Not really a great movie, by any measure. But it pressed all the right buttons. It had Leo. It had Kate. It was about suburban ennui. Check, check, and Oscar nomination.

At the start of the year, I picked "Milk" to win Best Picture. Now, though, it seems to be a race between "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" and "Slumdog Millionaire." People say "Slumdog" is the favorite, but I still have my doubts. If "Revolutionary Road" presses the right buttons, "Benjamin Button" hits 'em with a sledgehammer.

We'll see. I reserve judgment until I've seen "Slumdog." Then, I'll make my final pick, which has never, ever been wrong.*

*Note: has often, often been wrong.