Tuesday, August 3, 2010

If We Outlaw August, Only Outlaws Will Be August

David Plotz calls for a ban on August. I agree. The month has no redeeming features. Weather-wise, August is hot, sticky, and humid; it's the month most likely to make you stick to your car seat. August isn't always sunny, of course--sometimes the heat is broken up by sudden thunderstorms that leave you soaked as a drowning rat.

Holidays? Look elsewhere. March, the other underachieving month, has Saint Patrick's Day. Even February, that pathetic patch of twenty-eight gloomy days, has Valentine's Day and Groundhog Day. When you can be described as "like February, only less fun," you are in deep, deep trouble.

Baseball is the only August sport, which does not speak well for either baseball or August. Worse yet, August sees baseball at its most boring, when the second-rate clubs collapse like soggy ballpark nachos and the first-rate teams struggle to keep their mojo. Basketball is forgotten. Football is a distant dream. Hockey is...well, August doesn't have hockey, so maybe it isn't that bad a month.

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