Hey, you there! You with half a KFC chicken wing wedged between your molars! Ever wonder why you got so gosh-darned fat? Well, the New York Times will tell you: it's because you aren't eating these eleven foods.
To my eternal shame and everlasting flabbiness, I've eaten only one of the eleven: frozen blueberries. I've also dabbled a little in cinnamon, but that came in the form of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, which is about as healthy as emphysema.
If you need to get healthy in a hurry, I recommend mixing all eleven ingredients into one super-dish. This magical meal will lower your blood pressure, cure your acne, and make your wife look prettier. What are you waiting for, fatty? Go break out the turmeric and beets and have yourself a Healthapalooza!
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