We survived October. Most of us, at least. But now comes November, the month that separates the men from the boys, the wheat from the chaff, the Beatles from Herman's Hermits. Technically, here came November, given that the month is already one-quarter over. Still, I think November deserves at least a quick look-over before we plunge into its last three weeks.
Before, I mentioned my obsession with ranking the months. November sits very high on my hypothetical list. Ahead of even October, it trails only monthly titans December and May on my list and in my heart. Why, you ask? At least I assume you are asking why. If not, why are even reading this post?
Let's start with the weak points. I admit that, weather-wise, November is nothing special. In fact it is often downright dismal. Cool weather is good, and a welcome change from the summer heat, but November is when the temperature shifts from cool to frigid. One day, you're walking around in a light coat, enjoying a pleasant breeze. The next day you're freezing to death despite wearing an entire sheep-worth of fleece. At the same time, November withholds the only thing that makes cold weather tolerable: snow. I have never seen it snow in November. January, February, even April, but never November.
Put these disadvantages out of your head. November has plenty of high points in spite of its miserable weather. Sports, for instance. November sits right at the confluence of college football, college basketball, the NBA, and the NFL. You can even watch the NHL if you are one of those hockey-loving Canadian freaks. Yeah, baseball is over, but nobody watches it anyway. Such is the dirty secret of America's past-time.
November means good movies. It's the month when the studios begin chucking Oscar chum into theaters in hopes of drawing the sharks of critical acclaim. Wow, that was a god-awful metaphor. Sorry. You know what I mean, though. No more overblown spectacles that spend $100 million to digitally enhance Brad Pitt's abs. Now we get the good stuff. Stuff like..."Megamind?" Ah, well, not every November film can be a winner.
Until now, I've ignored the ten thousand pound turkey in the room. No longer! Thanksgiving elevates November from "pretty good" to "great." Turkey Day is a day without school, without responsibilities, a day to spend listening to "Alice's Restaurant" and watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade with family.
And eating. And more eating. Rather than make a coherent argument, let me list the things that make Thanksgiving special: Turkey. Cranberry sauce. Gravy. Stuffing. Stuffing with sausage. Cornbread. Sweet potatoes. Mashed potatoes. French-fried potatoes. Candied yams. Yam candies. Regular candies. Apple pies, cherry pies, mincemeat pies, boysenberry pies. Pumpkin pie, pumpkin cakes, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin lattes from Starbucks.
I would write more, but I have a sudden and completely inexplicable craving for something with pumpkin. But I hope the point is clear. November: long may she wave.
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