I've never been a huge fan of Mickey Mouse, though it's hard for me to say exactly why. Perhaps it was his squeaky voice--he sounds like an adenoidal midget who got kicked in the groin right after taking a deep sniff of helium.
Or maybe it was the fact that he never took his gloves off. What was he hiding under there? Tattoos--prison tattoos, maybe? A really bad case of psoriasis? The fact that he was missing one or more of his fingers?
Most likely it was his personality, which I found bland and stringy, not unlike zucchini. Donald was manic, Goofy was goofy, but Mickey was...I can't think of an adjective boring enough to finish this sentence.
But despite all of this, let me just say that even I think calling Mickey "one of Satan's soldiers" is just a tad over the line.
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