High Jump

FAT SPORTSCASTER: Well, John, here we are at the finals for the 200 speed-skating. Any guesses as to what's going to happen?

BALD SPORTSCASTER: Your guess is as good as mine, Mike. After that absolutely wild semi-final race, I'm ready for anything.

FAT SPORTSCASTER: That sure was a one-of-a-kind race. Ever think you'd see so many severed limbs in one event?

BALD SPORTSCASTER: Not outside of Beijing!

(They laugh heartily)

FAT SPORTSCASTER: And the competitors are lining up...there's Gert van der Gert of the Netherlands, from the world famous van der Gert skating family; and there's Nils Nilsson Nilssonsson of Norway, one of the early favorites...

BALD SPORTSCASTER: Don't forget Billy Buckles, from Jamaica, the first non-pasty man ever to compete in this race.

FAT SPORTSCASTER: There's the starting bell and...they're off!

(Pause)

FAT SPORTSCASTER: And...they're off!

BALD SPORTSCASTER: They don't seem to be going anywhere. What the heck's happening?

FAT SPORTSCASTER: Beats me, John. Gert van der Gert has fallen over and seems...seems to be making snow angels on the track. And what's going on with Denmark's Olaf Falo? He's...

BALD SPORTSCASTER: ...He's just staring at his hands and giggling. Looks like Russia's Anton Chernobyl is doing the same.

FAT SPORTSCASTER: Well, I suppose we should have seen this coming. Good night, folks!