So a British church has taken down their crucifix because it's "too scary"? Hate to break it to you, vicar, but the whole idea of Jesus dying on the cross is pretty important to Christianity. It's not just a minor plot point.
But whatever! We can roll with it. Here, in honor of the Reverend Ewen Souter, is the story of Christ's passion, with all the scary stuff removed:
"One day, Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey and was met by a bunch of people waving palm branches. Then a bunch of stuff happened. And after that, Jesus ascended into the clouds and was never seen again."
There! That shouldn't frighten the tykes. Next up: my non-scary version of the story of Passover.
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