Fry Me to the Moon

In honor of the upcoming North Carolina state fair: a list of "14 Odd Deep-Fried Foods." My take on each of them:

Spaghetti and Meatballs on a Stick: Docked points for being partly inedible--namely, the stick.

Cheeseburger: Sounds good, but could use more bacon. A lot more bacon.

Macaroni & Cheese: Not too bad, but what I'd really like is if each individual macaroni noodle was fried. THEN we'd be talkin'.

Cheese Curds: Fried whey not included.

Pizza: The mechanics of getting a pizza into a deep fat fryer are difficult to comprehend. However, it did give me an idea for a great "Star Wars" parody in which Han Solo is deep-fried instead of being frozen in carbonite

Dill Pickles: Why not get a fried pickle to go along with your fried burger? And why don't you fry the plate too, while you're at it?

Vegetables & Fruit: Thus proving even healthy foods can be brought low.

Pretzels: Crunchy on the outside, and...crunchy on the inside too, I guess.

Cicadas: If God had meant us to deep-fry bugs, he would've created them with a crisp, delicious outer coating.

Coca-Cola: Fried sans can (at least, I really hope it is).

Twinkies: If you ever need to catch a morbidly obese person, dig a hole in the ground, cover it with leaves, and put a fried twinkie on top. Note: make sure the hole is very wide, because as a rule we are not talking about small people here.

Oreos: Perfect for dipping into fried milk. And no, fried milk doesn't actually exist...yet.

Cheesecake: It's delicious AND nutritious, assuming you adhere to the "Eat 10,000 Calories a Day Diet," aka "The Brando."

Mars Bars: "Hey, you got candy bar in my processed lard!" "Hey, you got processed lard on my candy bar!"