Captain Beefheart is living proof that Anybody Can Make It in Show Biz. The good captain certainly doesn’t look like a rock star, what with his baggy clothes and Colombo mustache. God knows he doesn’t sound like a rock star. A real rock star doesn’t sing like he has a throat full of gravel. He doesn’t caterwaul the way the captain does.
Yet, somehow, improbably, Captain Beefheart has found a niche in the music world. He’s a freak-rock artist in the vein of Frank Zappa. Beefheart—born Don Van Vliet, in case you thought “Beefheart” was his given name—is best known for bizarre, free jazz-esque songs spiced up with a hint of Delta blues and topped with a suitably psychedelic name. See, for starters, “Neon Meate Dream of a Octafish” or “The Host The Ghost The Most Holy O.”
But before he let his freak flag fly, the captain actually put a fairly straightforward rock n’ roll album—“Safe as Milk.” I grant you that “straightforward” is very, very relative when applied to Captain Beefheart. I dare you to tease some meaning out of a songs like “Zig Zag Wanderer” or “ABBA Zaba.” The chorus of the latter song proudly proclaims “Abba Zaba go-zoom Babbette baboon.” You don’t say!
Underneath all the cryptic lyricism, though, lies some irresistibly catchy rock music. While the words of “ABBA Zaba” might be nonsense, the music—pounding tribal drums and weird, skeletal guitar—will stick in your head until your dying day. As you give up the ghost, you might find yourself unconsciously muttering “Abba Zaba go-zoom Babbette baboon.” That’s how indelible the groove is.
“ABBA Zaba” isn’t even the catchiest song on “Safe as Milk.” A twangy, Duane Eddy style guitar makes “Electricity” instantly unforgettable; the grinding, greasy, garage rock thumping of “Drop Out Boogie,” with the howled chorus of “Get a job, get a job,” is the same. This isn’t music for the faint of (beef)heart. The weirdness might just overwhelm you. But if you can get used to lyrics like “Phos'phrous chimney burnin'/Modern-men's a-learnin'/Time and space a-turnin'/Motor's engine churnin',” I recommend giving “Safe as Milk” a listen.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Handy Dandy
If you've always wanted to boost your WiFi signal but were never sure how to do it, this video should offer some help. Yeah, you might scoff. But it works! Especially that whole satellite dish thing.
And if you're looking for more helpful advice, you can check out a bunch of similar videos here. Don't miss the one on "tiny dinosaurs"--it really opened my eyes.
And if you're looking for more helpful advice, you can check out a bunch of similar videos here. Don't miss the one on "tiny dinosaurs"--it really opened my eyes.
The Horror!
After reading this story, I am going to add "Barbie doll" to my ever-lengthening list of "Things I Don't Want to Be Reincarnated As." Sample quote:
"There were beheadings, orgies, biker haircuts and tattoos and, in one memorable incident, a tragic Lamborghini accident that led to Barbie having her leg amputated below the knee."
Holy cow. Apparently, Barbie lives a life that would have put even the most dissipated Hell's Angel to shame.
I can't confirm or deny the truth of this story. I 1) am a guy 2) never had a barbie doll. I'll tell you what, though--I never treated by Transformers this way. I just broke them the old-fashioned way: with a hammer.
"There were beheadings, orgies, biker haircuts and tattoos and, in one memorable incident, a tragic Lamborghini accident that led to Barbie having her leg amputated below the knee."
Holy cow. Apparently, Barbie lives a life that would have put even the most dissipated Hell's Angel to shame.
I can't confirm or deny the truth of this story. I 1) am a guy 2) never had a barbie doll. I'll tell you what, though--I never treated by Transformers this way. I just broke them the old-fashioned way: with a hammer.
The Fish Are Really Biting Today
Science is so disappointing. When I read about something called the "Dracula fish," I expect something very specific: namely, some kind of horrific werefish that sleeps during the day, only to emerge from its slimy lair every evening to feast upon the warm blood of the living.
Instead I get this. I admit the fangs are pretty cool. But it's hardly the sort of thing to strike terror into the villagers. Heck, I doubt it strikes terror into the other fish.
Instead I get this. I admit the fangs are pretty cool. But it's hardly the sort of thing to strike terror into the villagers. Heck, I doubt it strikes terror into the other fish.
I Once Saw This Happen at an IHOP
Pancakes: delicious breakfast dish, or...harbingers of death?
I had to find this story in Pravda, because the forces of Big Pancake--AKA, Big Brother Jemima--have no doubt suppressed it in the states.
I had to find this story in Pravda, because the forces of Big Pancake--AKA, Big Brother Jemima--have no doubt suppressed it in the states.
Monkey Business
Oh God, no! In our never-ending war with the animals, our only advantage was our ability to use weapons. The animals had to make do with brute strength, giving us a leg up over our adversaries.
Well, it looks like we've lost our technological edge. Sure, right now it's just rocks, but it's only a matter of time before those rocks progress to grenades.
Well, it looks like we've lost our technological edge. Sure, right now it's just rocks, but it's only a matter of time before those rocks progress to grenades.
Multiple Choice Exam
Q5: You are a Chinese sailor tailing a US surveillance ship. When you get to close, the US ship reacts by spraying you with a high-powered hose. What do you do?
A) Get below decks as quickly as possible
B) Steer your ship out of range
C) Strip down to your underwear
The location of the hypertext ought to give you a clue as to which option the Chinese sailors chose.
A) Get below decks as quickly as possible
B) Steer your ship out of range
C) Strip down to your underwear
The location of the hypertext ought to give you a clue as to which option the Chinese sailors chose.
Mini-Review: Sita Sings the Blues
I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a movie stranger than “Sita Sings the Blues.” I could try to describe the plot, but you probably wouldn’t believe me. If I told you what it was about, you’d walk off shaking your head and thinking that I’d gone crazier than usual.
What’s it all about? Damned if I know. I just watched the thing last week, and I’m still trying to piece it together. To squash it down into a single sentence, “Sita Sings the Blues” is a retelling of the Ramayana. The Ramayana, for those of you not up on your ancient Hindu epics, tells the story of Rama and his lovely wife Sita. It’s your usual boy meets girl/boy loses girl to ten-headed demon king/boy and his half-human/half-monkey ally get girl back.
But wait—there’s more! A lot more. The Ramayana retelling is only one part of the multicultural mishmash. These (relatively) straightforward sections are intercut with musical numbers, in which an animated Sita lip-synchs to the songs of 1920s chanteuse Annette Henshaw. Even these interludes have interludes. They’re broken up by autobiographical scenes from the life of “Sita’s” creator, Nina Paley, relating her crash-and-burn relationship with her ex-husband.
It’s wildly diverse, all right. But is it any good? Eclecticism for eclecticism’s sake isn’t necessarily a good thing. And if the elements don’t hang together well, it can get ugly in a hurry. Take the example of last year’s “Across the Universe.” It gave us a heady brew of hippie utopianism, 1960s nostalgia, and trippy psychedelia bolted together on a foundation of Beatles tunes. It’s was strange, it was crazy, it…didn’t work. At all.
“Sita” works, in a strange, bizarre, off-the-wall kind of way. It’s almost dreamlike—specifically, the sort of dream a Religious Studies major might have after a meal of bad curry. Nothing in the movie should fit together, and that’s why it does. It’s like mixing chocolate and bacon. The unexpected contrast gives it a special kick.
One second we’re in San Francisco, and Paley’s animated avatar says goodbye to her husband while he packs for a trip to India. Whoosh! Suddenly we’re in Sri Lanka and Sita is being held captive by the ten-headed demon King Ravana. Whoosh! Now we’re watching Rama single-handedly slaughter an army of demons while Sita warbles a crackly jazz age torch song. Whoosh! We’re in New York, and Nina has just gotten an e-mail from her husband saying he never wants to see her again. My advice: be sure to buckle your seatbelt, cause these changes might give you whiplash.
“Sita” doesn’t even look like a single film. Every storyline has its own style of animation, as different from one another as is Kurma from Varaha—sorry, little Hindu inside joke. The traditional telling of the Ramayana unfolds through a series of semi-static religious paintings, with commentary provided by a trio of chatty shadow puppets. The Paley scenes are done in “SquiggleVision”—yes, that’s a real term—making them look as if they had been done by an jittery caffeine feind.
The musical numbers receive the most stunning treatment. According to Wikipedia, which I trust unconditionally, they’re animated in the “vector” style. For the viewer, this means everything looks like a high-quality Saturday morning cartoon. Sita sports big hips and big eyes in the Betty Boop Mold. Ravana is green, scaly, and looks uncannily like Snidely Whiplash. The whole thing reminded me a bit of those Homestar Runner cartoons I used to love so much.
Naturally, when you divide up your movie like this, some parts will be weaker than others. It’s an unavoidable fact. Whenever you read a book with multiple plot lines, one of them is going to grip your more than the rest. The author’s job is to make the other plots interesting enough so you don’t dash right through them on the way to the other side.
In “Sita Sings the Blues,” I’d have to say the weak link is the whole “singing the blues part.” It looks pretty, but so did the queen from Snow White, and look what a…witch she turned out to be. The problem: most of the songs bear only a tangential relation to what’s happening on screen. So while Sita’s belting out a number about her man knocking on her door, the movie shows an army of monkeys battling it out with a horde of goblins. Slightly disconcerting.
It’s to Paley’s credit, though, that all three parts are pretty engaging. Not engrossing, mind you, but engaging enough to keep me from snoozing the way I usually do while watching Hindu epics on film. And if you don’t like one part, just wait a couple minutes—each segment lasts five minutes, tops. Something you like will be coming around the corner momentarily.
“Sita Sings the Blues” looks strange, sounds strange, and is strange. If you like your movies straightforward and conventional, “Sita” probably isnt’ for you. But if you’ve been waiting for years to see an animated version of the Ramayana, complete with 1920s jazz songs, it should be right up your alley.
What’s it all about? Damned if I know. I just watched the thing last week, and I’m still trying to piece it together. To squash it down into a single sentence, “Sita Sings the Blues” is a retelling of the Ramayana. The Ramayana, for those of you not up on your ancient Hindu epics, tells the story of Rama and his lovely wife Sita. It’s your usual boy meets girl/boy loses girl to ten-headed demon king/boy and his half-human/half-monkey ally get girl back.
But wait—there’s more! A lot more. The Ramayana retelling is only one part of the multicultural mishmash. These (relatively) straightforward sections are intercut with musical numbers, in which an animated Sita lip-synchs to the songs of 1920s chanteuse Annette Henshaw. Even these interludes have interludes. They’re broken up by autobiographical scenes from the life of “Sita’s” creator, Nina Paley, relating her crash-and-burn relationship with her ex-husband.
It’s wildly diverse, all right. But is it any good? Eclecticism for eclecticism’s sake isn’t necessarily a good thing. And if the elements don’t hang together well, it can get ugly in a hurry. Take the example of last year’s “Across the Universe.” It gave us a heady brew of hippie utopianism, 1960s nostalgia, and trippy psychedelia bolted together on a foundation of Beatles tunes. It’s was strange, it was crazy, it…didn’t work. At all.
“Sita” works, in a strange, bizarre, off-the-wall kind of way. It’s almost dreamlike—specifically, the sort of dream a Religious Studies major might have after a meal of bad curry. Nothing in the movie should fit together, and that’s why it does. It’s like mixing chocolate and bacon. The unexpected contrast gives it a special kick.
One second we’re in San Francisco, and Paley’s animated avatar says goodbye to her husband while he packs for a trip to India. Whoosh! Suddenly we’re in Sri Lanka and Sita is being held captive by the ten-headed demon King Ravana. Whoosh! Now we’re watching Rama single-handedly slaughter an army of demons while Sita warbles a crackly jazz age torch song. Whoosh! We’re in New York, and Nina has just gotten an e-mail from her husband saying he never wants to see her again. My advice: be sure to buckle your seatbelt, cause these changes might give you whiplash.
“Sita” doesn’t even look like a single film. Every storyline has its own style of animation, as different from one another as is Kurma from Varaha—sorry, little Hindu inside joke. The traditional telling of the Ramayana unfolds through a series of semi-static religious paintings, with commentary provided by a trio of chatty shadow puppets. The Paley scenes are done in “SquiggleVision”—yes, that’s a real term—making them look as if they had been done by an jittery caffeine feind.
The musical numbers receive the most stunning treatment. According to Wikipedia, which I trust unconditionally, they’re animated in the “vector” style. For the viewer, this means everything looks like a high-quality Saturday morning cartoon. Sita sports big hips and big eyes in the Betty Boop Mold. Ravana is green, scaly, and looks uncannily like Snidely Whiplash. The whole thing reminded me a bit of those Homestar Runner cartoons I used to love so much.
Naturally, when you divide up your movie like this, some parts will be weaker than others. It’s an unavoidable fact. Whenever you read a book with multiple plot lines, one of them is going to grip your more than the rest. The author’s job is to make the other plots interesting enough so you don’t dash right through them on the way to the other side.
In “Sita Sings the Blues,” I’d have to say the weak link is the whole “singing the blues part.” It looks pretty, but so did the queen from Snow White, and look what a…witch she turned out to be. The problem: most of the songs bear only a tangential relation to what’s happening on screen. So while Sita’s belting out a number about her man knocking on her door, the movie shows an army of monkeys battling it out with a horde of goblins. Slightly disconcerting.
It’s to Paley’s credit, though, that all three parts are pretty engaging. Not engrossing, mind you, but engaging enough to keep me from snoozing the way I usually do while watching Hindu epics on film. And if you don’t like one part, just wait a couple minutes—each segment lasts five minutes, tops. Something you like will be coming around the corner momentarily.
“Sita Sings the Blues” looks strange, sounds strange, and is strange. If you like your movies straightforward and conventional, “Sita” probably isnt’ for you. But if you’ve been waiting for years to see an animated version of the Ramayana, complete with 1920s jazz songs, it should be right up your alley.
Monday, March 9, 2009
I Am the PhD, Goo Goo G'joob
As a history major, I'm always on the lookout for majors even more useless then my own. This one might have them all beat.
Happy Pedro Scotto Day!
Was Christopher Columbus actually a Scotsman named Pedro Scotto? My opinion: no. I say that as both a historian and as a sane, rational human being with an IQ above freezing temperature.
But what if? What if the discoverer of America really was a cantankerous Scotsman named Pedro? Why, just think of how that would change...uh...hmmm...I guess it really wouldn't change much. Though I guess we'd have the District of Scottonia instead of the District of Columbia.
But what if? What if the discoverer of America really was a cantankerous Scotsman named Pedro? Why, just think of how that would change...uh...hmmm...I guess it really wouldn't change much. Though I guess we'd have the District of Scottonia instead of the District of Columbia.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Mmm...Tasty
What's better than a robot that makes sandwiches? How about a robot that makes sandwiches and CURES CANCER?
Wait, that won't work. OK. Then how about...a robot that makes sandwiches and was inspired by a popular webcomic? Yeah, I admit it's not quite as good, but we work with what we have.
Wait, that won't work. OK. Then how about...a robot that makes sandwiches and was inspired by a popular webcomic? Yeah, I admit it's not quite as good, but we work with what we have.
Womb to Rent
"Mommy, where do babies come from?"
"Well, honey, normally the stork brings them. In your case, though, things were a little bit more complicated than that."
"Well, honey, normally the stork brings them. In your case, though, things were a little bit more complicated than that."
Praise Be to Google!
"If Google did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him."
-Voltaire, extremely paraphrased
This New York Times article makes clear that, should Google ever turn its powers to evil, we would be hard-pressed to stop them. But until then, we might as well enjoy all the cool stuff they've given us.
The "Flu Trends" thing is especially freaky. I can't wait to see that idea applied to other diseases. Coming soon: a list of everyone in your neighborhood suffering from venereal disease.
-Voltaire, extremely paraphrased
This New York Times article makes clear that, should Google ever turn its powers to evil, we would be hard-pressed to stop them. But until then, we might as well enjoy all the cool stuff they've given us.
The "Flu Trends" thing is especially freaky. I can't wait to see that idea applied to other diseases. Coming soon: a list of everyone in your neighborhood suffering from venereal disease.
Da Hijjatch
Look out, Cat Stevens! Here comes somebody to challenge your status as "most famous entertainer to convert to Islam"!
Other contenders to that title, aside from Mr. Stevens and Mr. Dogg, include Robert Redford, Joe Namath, Avril Lavigne, and Sting. Of course, you already knew that.
Other contenders to that title, aside from Mr. Stevens and Mr. Dogg, include Robert Redford, Joe Namath, Avril Lavigne, and Sting. Of course, you already knew that.
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