Brilliantly imagined riposte from Mick Jagger against the new tell-all memoir by Keith Richards.
Can we agree that rock stars are loathsome people and be done with it? I can't think of a single one who was a decent human being. Heck, I can't think of many who deserve the title "human being."
John Lennon was an alcoholic, abusive jerk; Elvis was a spoiled momma's boy; Bob Dylan was and continues to be a cosmic prank played by God on an unsuspecting world. Maybe the guys from ZZ Top are nice, but I doubt it.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Mini-Review: The Conservative Mind
Russell Kirk is one of the biggest names in American conservatism. William F. Buckley might have been the charming face of the conservative movement, but it was Kirk's great brain that dreamed up its philosophy "The Conservative Mind" remains his best-known work, and with good reason.
First, a warning. Readers--especially conservatives ones--might want to pop a few Prozac before opening "The Conservative Mind." This is a book that might have been co-written by Eeyore and Puddleglum. Kirk originally titled it "The Conservative Rout," and every page, every sentence, every word exhales that gloomy spirit. This is a story of declines and falls, plural. Everything is bad. Everything is going to get worse.
Civilization might be sinking, but there are a few brave (or stupid) souls who insist on bailing out the boat before she goes under. These are Kirk's conservatives. He begins with Edmund Burke, the British statesmen who defended tradition against the ravages of the French Revolution. The cautious, pessimistic spirit of Burke was expressed in America by John Adams. According to Kirk, Adams believed that private morality was the key to good government--not exactly the most popular sentiment nowadays.
Some of the names in this book are familiar: Tocqueville, Disraeli, Walter Scott. Some are a little more obscure: Brooks Adams, George Santayana. And some are absolutely unknown: Maine, Mallock, Fitzjames Stephen. Interestingly, Kirk makes no attempt to claim Abraham Lincoln for the conservative cause. The Great Emancipator makes only a cameo in "The Conservative Mind." Indeed, Kirk rushes through the middle of the nineteenth century, stopping to nod briefly at James Fenimore Cooper.
"The Conservative Mind" is as much a polemic as a history book. Kirk is not just a historian; he fancies himself a sort of intellectual bouncer, keeping the rowdies from crashing to conservative party. Social conservatives are in, and anti-communists are welcome, but libertarians have to stand waiting outside the velvet rope. Their vision of a chaotic, progressive capitalism makes Kirk shudder in his tweeds.
Can modern conservatives learn anything from Kirk? Certainly, "The Conservative Mind" should be required reading for anyone who has ever confronted--or made--the argument that conservatives are brain-dead numskulls who wouldn't know their Condorcet from their Crevocoeur.
Be careful, though not to be overwhelmed by Kirk's gloom and doom. Remember that this is a man who talked about "Demon TV" and who referred to cars as "mechanical Jacobins." You can accept most his arguments without swallowing his anti-modernism. In this day and age, when everybody owns a mechanical Jacobin, you need to make some small concessions to the modern world. Kirk, of course, felt differently.
First, a warning. Readers--especially conservatives ones--might want to pop a few Prozac before opening "The Conservative Mind." This is a book that might have been co-written by Eeyore and Puddleglum. Kirk originally titled it "The Conservative Rout," and every page, every sentence, every word exhales that gloomy spirit. This is a story of declines and falls, plural. Everything is bad. Everything is going to get worse.
Civilization might be sinking, but there are a few brave (or stupid) souls who insist on bailing out the boat before she goes under. These are Kirk's conservatives. He begins with Edmund Burke, the British statesmen who defended tradition against the ravages of the French Revolution. The cautious, pessimistic spirit of Burke was expressed in America by John Adams. According to Kirk, Adams believed that private morality was the key to good government--not exactly the most popular sentiment nowadays.
Some of the names in this book are familiar: Tocqueville, Disraeli, Walter Scott. Some are a little more obscure: Brooks Adams, George Santayana. And some are absolutely unknown: Maine, Mallock, Fitzjames Stephen. Interestingly, Kirk makes no attempt to claim Abraham Lincoln for the conservative cause. The Great Emancipator makes only a cameo in "The Conservative Mind." Indeed, Kirk rushes through the middle of the nineteenth century, stopping to nod briefly at James Fenimore Cooper.
"The Conservative Mind" is as much a polemic as a history book. Kirk is not just a historian; he fancies himself a sort of intellectual bouncer, keeping the rowdies from crashing to conservative party. Social conservatives are in, and anti-communists are welcome, but libertarians have to stand waiting outside the velvet rope. Their vision of a chaotic, progressive capitalism makes Kirk shudder in his tweeds.
Can modern conservatives learn anything from Kirk? Certainly, "The Conservative Mind" should be required reading for anyone who has ever confronted--or made--the argument that conservatives are brain-dead numskulls who wouldn't know their Condorcet from their Crevocoeur.
Be careful, though not to be overwhelmed by Kirk's gloom and doom. Remember that this is a man who talked about "Demon TV" and who referred to cars as "mechanical Jacobins." You can accept most his arguments without swallowing his anti-modernism. In this day and age, when everybody owns a mechanical Jacobin, you need to make some small concessions to the modern world. Kirk, of course, felt differently.
Scientists Astounded by Amazing Duck Boy
Historians, looking back on the great American-Indonesian War of 2011, may regard this article as the spark that set the tinder alight.
November: A Semi-Pre-Retrospective
We survived October. Most of us, at least. But now comes November, the month that separates the men from the boys, the wheat from the chaff, the Beatles from Herman's Hermits. Technically, here came November, given that the month is already one-quarter over. Still, I think November deserves at least a quick look-over before we plunge into its last three weeks.
Before, I mentioned my obsession with ranking the months. November sits very high on my hypothetical list. Ahead of even October, it trails only monthly titans December and May on my list and in my heart. Why, you ask? At least I assume you are asking why. If not, why are even reading this post?
Let's start with the weak points. I admit that, weather-wise, November is nothing special. In fact it is often downright dismal. Cool weather is good, and a welcome change from the summer heat, but November is when the temperature shifts from cool to frigid. One day, you're walking around in a light coat, enjoying a pleasant breeze. The next day you're freezing to death despite wearing an entire sheep-worth of fleece. At the same time, November withholds the only thing that makes cold weather tolerable: snow. I have never seen it snow in November. January, February, even April, but never November.
Put these disadvantages out of your head. November has plenty of high points in spite of its miserable weather. Sports, for instance. November sits right at the confluence of college football, college basketball, the NBA, and the NFL. You can even watch the NHL if you are one of those hockey-loving Canadian freaks. Yeah, baseball is over, but nobody watches it anyway. Such is the dirty secret of America's past-time.
November means good movies. It's the month when the studios begin chucking Oscar chum into theaters in hopes of drawing the sharks of critical acclaim. Wow, that was a god-awful metaphor. Sorry. You know what I mean, though. No more overblown spectacles that spend $100 million to digitally enhance Brad Pitt's abs. Now we get the good stuff. Stuff like..."Megamind?" Ah, well, not every November film can be a winner.
Until now, I've ignored the ten thousand pound turkey in the room. No longer! Thanksgiving elevates November from "pretty good" to "great." Turkey Day is a day without school, without responsibilities, a day to spend listening to "Alice's Restaurant" and watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade with family.
And eating. And more eating. Rather than make a coherent argument, let me list the things that make Thanksgiving special: Turkey. Cranberry sauce. Gravy. Stuffing. Stuffing with sausage. Cornbread. Sweet potatoes. Mashed potatoes. French-fried potatoes. Candied yams. Yam candies. Regular candies. Apple pies, cherry pies, mincemeat pies, boysenberry pies. Pumpkin pie, pumpkin cakes, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin lattes from Starbucks.
I would write more, but I have a sudden and completely inexplicable craving for something with pumpkin. But I hope the point is clear. November: long may she wave.
Before, I mentioned my obsession with ranking the months. November sits very high on my hypothetical list. Ahead of even October, it trails only monthly titans December and May on my list and in my heart. Why, you ask? At least I assume you are asking why. If not, why are even reading this post?
Let's start with the weak points. I admit that, weather-wise, November is nothing special. In fact it is often downright dismal. Cool weather is good, and a welcome change from the summer heat, but November is when the temperature shifts from cool to frigid. One day, you're walking around in a light coat, enjoying a pleasant breeze. The next day you're freezing to death despite wearing an entire sheep-worth of fleece. At the same time, November withholds the only thing that makes cold weather tolerable: snow. I have never seen it snow in November. January, February, even April, but never November.
Put these disadvantages out of your head. November has plenty of high points in spite of its miserable weather. Sports, for instance. November sits right at the confluence of college football, college basketball, the NBA, and the NFL. You can even watch the NHL if you are one of those hockey-loving Canadian freaks. Yeah, baseball is over, but nobody watches it anyway. Such is the dirty secret of America's past-time.
November means good movies. It's the month when the studios begin chucking Oscar chum into theaters in hopes of drawing the sharks of critical acclaim. Wow, that was a god-awful metaphor. Sorry. You know what I mean, though. No more overblown spectacles that spend $100 million to digitally enhance Brad Pitt's abs. Now we get the good stuff. Stuff like..."Megamind?" Ah, well, not every November film can be a winner.
Until now, I've ignored the ten thousand pound turkey in the room. No longer! Thanksgiving elevates November from "pretty good" to "great." Turkey Day is a day without school, without responsibilities, a day to spend listening to "Alice's Restaurant" and watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade with family.
And eating. And more eating. Rather than make a coherent argument, let me list the things that make Thanksgiving special: Turkey. Cranberry sauce. Gravy. Stuffing. Stuffing with sausage. Cornbread. Sweet potatoes. Mashed potatoes. French-fried potatoes. Candied yams. Yam candies. Regular candies. Apple pies, cherry pies, mincemeat pies, boysenberry pies. Pumpkin pie, pumpkin cakes, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin lattes from Starbucks.
I would write more, but I have a sudden and completely inexplicable craving for something with pumpkin. But I hope the point is clear. November: long may she wave.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Five Reasons Why Traveling by Train Beats Flying
You can stick your head out the window and not run the risk of falling 30,000 feet
More time to savor the Jersey scenery
Easier to imagine you're on the way to Hogwarts
Significantly less chance of being killed by a high-flying goose
No mustache-twirling villain ever tied a damsel down in front of an airplane
More time to savor the Jersey scenery
Easier to imagine you're on the way to Hogwarts
Significantly less chance of being killed by a high-flying goose
No mustache-twirling villain ever tied a damsel down in front of an airplane
Friday, November 5, 2010
Look for the Union Label
I've figured it out. Grad school is not like a regular school. It's more like belonging to a union. In regular schools--from kindergarten to college--you learn things from teachers. In grad school, you have to pick up tricks of the trade from your fellow students. There exists a "grad school way of doing things," but nobody tells you what it is. You have to pick it up through experience.
Also, if you blab to the wrong people, you might get your kneecaps bashed in with a tire iron. Just a friendly warning.
Also, if you blab to the wrong people, you might get your kneecaps bashed in with a tire iron. Just a friendly warning.
Talking Turkey
This story contains what could be the quote of the year: "He's got a big turkey in his pants!" No, that's not a euphemism.
Five Biggest Surprises on Election Night
Confounding the polls, Rep. Jim Marshall (D-GA) came from 30 points down to lose by only 20 points
Libertarian congressional nominee Ed McCluskey (CA) gained a whopping three votes outside of his extended family
Sean Duffy won a congressional seat in Wisconsin, despite actually being a candidate for state auditor in Nebraska
After losing the general election, independent candidate Charlie Crist (FL) declared that he would run as a write-in in the post-general election
Chris Matthews broke his long-standing record for longest sustained on-air howl (18 minutes)
Libertarian congressional nominee Ed McCluskey (CA) gained a whopping three votes outside of his extended family
Sean Duffy won a congressional seat in Wisconsin, despite actually being a candidate for state auditor in Nebraska
After losing the general election, independent candidate Charlie Crist (FL) declared that he would run as a write-in in the post-general election
Chris Matthews broke his long-standing record for longest sustained on-air howl (18 minutes)
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Ka-Ching
Why did the Fed just pump $600 billion into the economy? If, like me, you find fiscal policy mystifying, this post might put you right. And if you do, in fact, understand fiscal policy, then I've got a call from a Mr. Obama who wants to speak with you.
Looking Ahead
I'm not going to comment on the elections, mostly because they speak for themselves. Specifically, they say "AAAAARGH WE HATE YOU!!!!!" That's fine. America has a long and rich tradition of such elections. FDR was elected in a "we hate you" election back in 1932. Ditto for William McKinley in 1896.
No, what I really want to talk about is 2012. Hey, wait, come back! You're sick of elections, I know. So is everybody not named Chris Matthews. But you got to take a look at this new CNN poll.
What does it tell us? First, it tells us that nominating Sarah Palin would be a disaster for Republicans. She doesn't stand a Blue Devil's chance in Chapel Hill of winning. Obama is at the absolute lowest point in his presidency. His allies just got booted out of Congress. His poll numbers are abysmal. His media supporters have turned on him. And he still leads Palin 52-44. That's no small number.
Second, despite much happy talk by Republicans, Obama seems safe from a primary challenge. 73 percent of Democrats want him renominated. That's probably enough to scare away Russ Feingold, Howard Dean, and any other potential spoiler. Obama will get a primary challenger regardless, but it's likely to be a retired electrician from Wyoming who thinks the CIA has implanted a chip in his head.
Third, the GOP field is open. True, the big four--Palin, Huckabee, Romney, and Gingrich--are the only candidates with double-digit support. But their combined support comes to only 67%. One-third of Republicans pick "none of the above." Also remember that most of this "support" is name recognition, so the "undecided" camp is probably closer to half the GOP electorate.
What does that mean? It means come on in, Tim Pawlenty, the water's fine. The more the merrier, Mitch Daniels. Join the party, Chris Christie. The fun begins now.
No, what I really want to talk about is 2012. Hey, wait, come back! You're sick of elections, I know. So is everybody not named Chris Matthews. But you got to take a look at this new CNN poll.
What does it tell us? First, it tells us that nominating Sarah Palin would be a disaster for Republicans. She doesn't stand a Blue Devil's chance in Chapel Hill of winning. Obama is at the absolute lowest point in his presidency. His allies just got booted out of Congress. His poll numbers are abysmal. His media supporters have turned on him. And he still leads Palin 52-44. That's no small number.
Second, despite much happy talk by Republicans, Obama seems safe from a primary challenge. 73 percent of Democrats want him renominated. That's probably enough to scare away Russ Feingold, Howard Dean, and any other potential spoiler. Obama will get a primary challenger regardless, but it's likely to be a retired electrician from Wyoming who thinks the CIA has implanted a chip in his head.
Third, the GOP field is open. True, the big four--Palin, Huckabee, Romney, and Gingrich--are the only candidates with double-digit support. But their combined support comes to only 67%. One-third of Republicans pick "none of the above." Also remember that most of this "support" is name recognition, so the "undecided" camp is probably closer to half the GOP electorate.
What does that mean? It means come on in, Tim Pawlenty, the water's fine. The more the merrier, Mitch Daniels. Join the party, Chris Christie. The fun begins now.
Over...Rated!
ESPN lists the 10 most overrated NFL players, as chosen by readers. Joe Namath seems a worthy number one. But Tony Romo as the third most overrated football player of all time? Come on, folks. He's overrated, yes, but he's not even the most overrated player right now. That title belongs to Carson Palmer. Only Palmer's terrific football name and grizzled, manly beard are keeping him off the bench.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Monkey Business
Either there is a very weird criminal on the loose in Vermont, or the long-feared primate uprising has begun.
A Reasonable Question
Because someone has to, the BBC asks "How is Keith Richards still alive?" In my opinion, the question is less a scientific than a theological one. He must have made a deal with the devil. There's no other possible explanation.
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